I am binge watching Netfix yet again on a weekend where I have control of what comes on the TV. No Pokemon. No Series of Unfortunate of Events. No Power Rangers. No boy TV.
Instead it is naughty royal of Scotland and France and all their torrid love affairs. Leads me to focus my thoughts on my crush. Ah how I would happily watch whatever he wanted just to be near him. To have him caress my face and then kiss me. To be safe and secure without worry in his arms. Ah the reign he holds on my heart. In fact he sometimes influences my purchase for accessories in hopes that it will “catch his fancy” and “let him see the error of his ways” over these past 4 years.
I foolishly like a high school girl have given him the key of my heart. He reigns there and I don’t know what when I’ll gain control of it again or if I want control of it.
My heart has been broken so completely by my ex husband. I loved him despite his past, despite his flaws, and I trusted him completely. That proved to be a painful mistake. For that I kept myself hording my broken pieces, trying to allow my heart to heal. It did heal as the love of a child can heal many broken things except for that one part that requires the love of an equal, a partner – something I have yet to find and experience.
In keeping my heart to myself, it is content or at least dealing with unrequited love. I never thought I’d really fall this hard in love with someone after the pain of the last. At first it was a simple infatuation. I saw him and he was beautiful. From that first sighting, it grew. The more I know the more fall in love and sometimes I wonder if I’m foolish or if it is unconditional love that has grown.