Torn – Mind and Heart

Today I wish I could be cloned. I want to be two places at once. My little man woke up sick. So I called in to work with mixed feelings. I love my family with every fiber of me being. No one takes care of my little guy like Mom. If I had sent him to his dad’s, the care would be fine but the attention to fluid intake, rest and chicken noodle soup details would have been not included.

Luckily I have another family as well, my work family and I wish I could have been there for them. My co-teacher is sick and left early, my other co-teacher is sick. We welcomed a new baby into the work family. And Tuesday is a several people’s day off.

Hence I was torn trying to decide what to do. But I chose the family I’m related to, especially after he said he was dizzy. I did think about sending him to school, his dad suggested it, but I chose him and helping him get better. After all I don’t want to brush it off and then have to take more days off next week or in a few weeks. So today my mind was torn.

When you are home with the sick child you spend time on FB between piles of laundry and scrubbing bathrooms. And that is where you heart gets torn. Specifically when your crush posts about his infatuation with a drummer from a band.  I’m not in a band. I won’t be in a band. I don’t have that level of cool. But then because you are pathetic, you look up the band member and nope you are not even close to being in the same league as her. It is like a knife tears at your heart. I guess it is the realization that he is a crush and no matter how much you talk to him or see each other or spend time with each other; he will not be into you. And that is why he is a crush and not a boyfriend or a fiance or a husband.

This realization always finished the tear of the heart, you are still alone and will be alone. Now to go drink tea as my reset will not allow me to gorge on junk food or pizza or any other fast food or have an adult beverage (or 2). Damn making a healthy change.


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