Crushing Myself

He said he was getting his phone fixed. He said he’d text so I could call and share my AMAZING NEWS!

He has not texted. The phone is not fixed (I may have called yesterday thinking that he just forgot and it went right to VM like it has since winter break).

I am left feeling crushed. I keep wishing he cared like I did. I keep hoping for him to just be amazing on day. I am stubborn. I have loved/crushed on this man since I saw him the first time 4 years ago. I have waited until the right moments to strike up conversations, to start FB messaging, to bake his favorite cookie for his birthday and other occasions, to spoil him with theater and concert tickets, to leave silly notes and coffee.

Why can’t I see what is front of me? Why can’t I just let this go? Clearly I am bad at picking out men. One failed marriage, post divorced relationships with married men or men with “girlfriends”, no actual relationships. Why do I inflict this torture upon my heart?

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