Confused, Torn, Surprised

The crush has fixed his phone. (insert giddy school girl) This week was parent teacher conferences so I hung out post conference with him as he taught lessons. Due to that college flame being busy with his friends (who dislike me and I am quite scared of a few), I may actually be able to hang out with my crush!!!!!

Since the college flame has popped back in my life, I have been surveying those that know the whole roller coaster. At first is was 2/3 in favor of a new try and then I was told to follow what I think. I think a lot. I get wrapped in my head more times than not.

Right now with my crush I see new possibilities, the unknown, potential.

With my college flame I remember the heart ache, the tears, the pain, the deleting him out of my phone and blocking him on FB countless times. Countless times over the past 16 years we have parted ways, come back together, parted ways, etc. But every time we come back together it always goes back where we left it which never was a “romantic relationship”. He has never pursued me romantically in the traditional sense. And stupidly I am one of those hopeless romantics. I want the flowers, the traditional dates, the romantic text, the admission of missing someone, and everything else.

The crush is in my profession. He gets passionate and excited about stuff like I do. For example, he gets my excitement over the Muppets. He has that same excitement for Superheros. I made a Truffala tree last week at school by mixing shaving cream and glues and watercolor. I gave my tree to my crush. I got the dimpled smile, the appreciation, the “this is amazing who did you do it”, the OMG when I explained it.

I did think about giving it to my college flame, but I’m not seeing him for a while (schedules) and I honestly felt I would get the “what am I suppose to do with this” look.

see confused, torn and surprised


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