I think I defined a moment of my self worth Saturday night. On my way home from trivia, I called and left a message for my college crush. I asked to just be friends. For the first time in our 16 year hit or miss life time, I did this without tears. I may be unhappy when I’m lonely. Nothing may come of the crush. But I just could not settle for a lack of hopeless romance. I couldn’t look past the pain. I was finding it hard to remember all the good times we have had but easy to remember all the tearful ones. You can’t build a quality relationship on that. While I may be lonely, unhappy, always concerned that I am not enough, I do know that I don’t deserve another relationship that leaves me feeling insecure.
In terms of relationships, I think I can define what I need and what I will accept as a suitable. I want the hopeless romance. I want to retain my independence. I want to feel secure. I want to receive the complements, the eye contact, the random genuine smiles, and the confidence that I am not going to be manipulated.