A letter to a crush

Dear crush,

i’ll write this here because there is no point in telling you. Plus really this letter is for me not you. You have added more confusion and heartbreak in my life since 2017 started.

Things seemed like they were going in great directions. Then your birthday, and that ended my infatuation. then I tried the friend thing. I treated you like I treated everyone. That is how I friend. I’m thoughtful, I’m kind, I love and spoil my friends with all my heart. Ya know that whole “think of your fellow man, put a little love your heart and the world will be a better place.” That is what I desire from life a better place. One where I don’t feel like the thumb of the world is trying to squash me like a bug.

Aparently I’m alone in this ideal. You canceled the Muny. Something we have had in the works for months. That hurt me in my core as a person. It destroyed me for a few days. How could someone do that to a friend? How could someone not regularly respond to texts that ask questions? Never mind the fact that I gave you a two week reminder. You chose to wait till I gave you the week reminder. You chose to schedule a show. You did that. And by doing so you made me feel insignificant and worthless. Normally not a huge deal but as those who read this, they know I have a self worth problem. I have trouble self esteem.

So you hurt me more than you may ever know. Since reading thirteen reasons why, I really examine my interactions. Something that may be no big deal to me could be a reason for someone else. A reason to feel hollow, a reason to feel like they don’t belong in the world. So I try to be more conscious of my actions for that reason. I may not be perfect but perhaps I could save one person and make a difference in their life. Thanks for the pain and the hard knocks. I keep getting up but it is slower than it used to be.

Love,

me

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